Everyone Must Die

Everyone Must....Avoid this movie.

Joking aside Everyone Must Die is a modern slasher directed by Steve Rudzinski.  The film is about a serial killer terrorizing town after town.  The killer ends up murdering the wrong girl and manages to have her older vengeful brother Kyle hot on his trail.

A few towns over a group of 20 somethings are attempting to have a drunken soiree when their party is crashed by the ninja clad killer.  They're in luck however, as Kyle runs in and saves the day.  The group take cover in a nearby apartment as Kyle goes into a detailed exposition.  Together the battered group of bad actors must attempt to survive until the proper authorities arrive.

If you love slasher films chances are you're used to hammy acting and gratuitous nudity, there's also a good possibility that you've learned to expand your suspension of disbelief tenfold.  But what keeps us coming back to these films?  Occasionally we do get an original story with a lot of talent behind it, but let's face it, the most memorable slashers tend to be the ones that have a great advisory.  You know the ones I'm talking about...Corpsy, Voorhees, Myers, Billy, the list goes on and on.  I'm not saying that it's 100% needed, there are some pretty enjoyable romps that have so-so killers...But they've got other areas covered in the form of decent actresses or moody atmospheres, maybe a bit of the red stuff to tie everything together.  These are all things that Every Must Die lacks.  The killer is man in a ninja suit wielding a machete.  The acting is bad.  The jokes fall flat.  Aside from a few instances of nudity I can't think of one good thing to say about the movie.

When I received the DVD I noticed the artwork was littered with review snippets praising the film.  One said "...The twist is one of the most fantastic ideas in slasher movie history."  I can't help but wonder if I received a different movie?  Because I've not only seen this ending before, I've seen it done better. I don't know.  I hate being completely pessimistic about a film, I go into every movie wanting to enjoy myself, to escape my mundane existence.  I couldn't do either of those things with this film.  When the credits finally hit the screen I couldn't help but wonder how these people managed to make such a long tedious film...That's when I realized that the movie clocks in at just over an hour.  Fuck my life.

I've found myself enjoying films that critics have panned, I would say that there are some unintentionally bad films that have a charm about them, films that a lot of us in the horror community love and praise.  This is not one of those films, I didn't enjoy it and I would not recommend it.