Billy Joel isn't as bad as I thought.

Her crying wouldn't let up so we slowed down somewhere along 6th street and sat against an old brick wall.  Two minutes hadn't passed before we were joined by a bald vagrant.  I tried my best to explain to her that everything would be okay...Eventually.  Relating my situation from previous years, starting over...Moving on.  But before I could finish the statement the bald man interrupted us.  "You uhh...Got fifty cents?"  "No" I responded as sternly as possible.

"How about..A light?"

"You got a bit of weed?"




"What about a phone charger, got one of those?"


Who is this guy and why does he think I'm a convenience store?

At this point her tears had been replaced by the fear of this creeper rampaging.  It was a little easier coercing her into a vehicle, ensuring she would get home safe.

She eventually went home, and I was alone.  Left to my own devices, I couldn't sleep.  All I could keep thinking about, amidst the post-break-up-blues was the conversation with the homeless man.

This is why I'm fucked.

Thank you The Coathangers for inadvertently leading me to this song.  It destroyed me in the best way possible.


If you haven't noticed the website has gotten a bit of a face-lift.  Unfortunately I had to step away from Cannibal Reviews for a bit as I was dedicating too much time to the website.   For the two year stretch of little-to-no updates I moved to New Mexico, got a few promotions, and lost almost 200 pounds.  I spent time traveling, met new people, and had a lot of fun making awful decisions.

I also think I figured out the direction I'd like to go.

So welcome to  It's whatever the fuck I want it to be, in other words it's probably NSFW.